For the past few nights, I haven't been able to sleep. I've found myself lying in bed for hours on end, not thinking of anything particularly, but thinking nonetheless. My mind hasn't been able to stop.
It's interesting, because usually when you go to sleep, you either dream or you have nightmares (or if you're lucky enough, you're so tired you simply pass out). Yet I find myself stuck in some sort of an in-between, a purgatory if you will. Instead of being fully asleep or awake, I am stuck in a haze as the late night turns into morning.
I'd like to read into it and say that it is because I have become obsessed with turning my dreams into a reality, but I think that's a little too cliche (even for me). My mind has always wandered, over thinking what a conversation could possibly mean or torturing myself over an email response I hope to receive.
In this haze, my mind doesn't focus on any one particular thought (or also known as: torture device) but it jumps from one to the next, often overlapping. Everything seems interconnected, or seems like it should be.
It's like finding your Christmas lights in a incomprehensible giant, knotted ball instead of neatly organized in their cardboard container.
Nothing particularly makes sense, and the only way that it will is to painstakingly sort through it all. Unfortunately, my brain seems to have decided lately that the time to do this is at 3 a.m. But perhaps I simply need to set aside more time to reflect--to reflect and breathe.
It seems like now is the time to figure it all out, or start to. Life seems to consist of untangling the knots that get in the way, even if that only lasts for a short period of time. Nothing will ever be perfect forever, but hopefully things will start to make a little more sense.
And hopefully, I'll be able to rest a little easier.
No comments:
Post a Comment